


Until The Day We Meet Again

by the14thpersona (riverside_musings)



Series: Kaleidoscopic Expressions [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Because I'm weak for that, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Social Issues, Supportive Lavi, Trans Allen, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 11:18:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10436496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverside_musings/pseuds/the14thpersona
Summary: Why didn't they get it? There wasn't anything wrong with him. The only thing wrong here was his body.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the trans-Allen fic no one asked for but I'm still writing it. I'm sorry if I don't get it right though. I'm basing this purely on the feelings I felt in a dream of mine. I don't really remember much of it other than the fact that Allen was crying and the feeling that Lavi should be there and myriads of abstract emotions of course.
> 
> Crappy story title is crappy though since I honestly couldn't think of anything.
> 
> Beta'ed by mysteriouslypinkconnoisseur from tumblr.
> 
> EDIT: This is going to be a one-shot until stated otherwise. I wanted to write more, but it felt... kinda hollow and I thought it was good enough as it is, so it's staying as it is.

It was a bright summer day. The sky was filled with an amalgamation of feathery clouds and the sun shone cheerily through them. If one stopped to listen, they would hear the flapping of wings, the merry choir of birds chattering, the swish of the wind carrying the last batch of petals from spring, the general cacophony of the vehicles moving on the asphalt trail, the whispering pedestrians, shouting neighbors and so much more. It was a nice day filled with positive energy and the will to enjoy life to the fullest. Or, at least, that's what a normal person would think.

For one six-year-old boy, the reality couldn't be less true.

The sun rays were glaring, blanketing everything within a sphere of hot air that he felt weightless yet heavy, it was as if he was walking underwater. It was a weird feeling. The honking of cars was too loud in his sensitive ears and he was already developing a headache because of that. The whispers, from what he had learned in his short life, were the worst. The adults at the orphanage whispered about him. They thought he couldn't hear them but he did. He did and it hurt. Other children heard them too, of course, and it was why they hated him.

If the adults disapproved of someone, it was only right to follow in their footsteps, right?

The gaggle of children playing together, laughter spilling from their lips without reservation, was something he resented. He couldn't play with them, he was not allowed to. And he could've done with that had they not taken every chance to rub it in his face and make him more miserable. The children weren't nice, he had learned that early in his life. They weren't kind or compassionate or understanding to anyone who wasn't like them. He wasn't like them, he knew that. They knew that. So, they bullied him, teased him, mocked him and made fun of him every day. It was almost like a routine to them by now.

It wasn't a good day for him. It was just another day where he wished he could be anywhere else but here.

He was hiding behind a bench in the park after running away from his tormentors. His chest constricted and he felt like crying but he wouldn't. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of his tears, even if they couldn't see it. He was a strong boy and he was not going to cry.

He wished he didn't have to live at the orphanage. No one understood him there. Why didn't they get it? There wasn't anything wrong with _him_. The _only_ thing _wrong_ here was his body. He knew the answer to his question though, even when he wished he didn't. They didn't care enough to try.

A few minutes too soon, his gloomy thoughts were broken by the sound of crunching leaves.

It was the newcomer they had said would only stay with them for a week or so. The other boy was older than him, even if he wasn't as tall as other nine-year-olds and barely towered an inch above him. He just knew he was teased about that. Personally, he didn't think it was a bad thing but no one really cared what he thought, so he didn't say anything. His dark red hair was messy, as if he hadn't brushed it properly for some time, and he was covered in bandages. The most noticeable being the one on his right eye. His other eye was a bright green. The young child thought it looked sad and lost, even though he didn't really know why.

Everyone had been curious about the boy when he appeared. It wasn't as if it was every day someone looking like that arrived at their doorsteps. They had bombarded him with questions as soon as the adults left them alone. He almost pitied the redhead. It took the attention away from him though and he was only glad. However, the excitement didn't last long when the answers never came no matter how persistent the kids were. It turns out the redhead was even more stubborn than a mule.

He didn't understand why he was walking towards him though. Hadn't they told him about that weird kid? He didn't understand why he could see a smile on the cherubic face through his blurry vision. Why woul—?

The questions evaporated from his mind when his words reached him.

Something snapped.

He knew that the boy, probably, didn't mean any harm but he just had enough. He knew that it wasn't right to blow up at someone he had barely talked to. It wasn't his fault that he was bullied. It wasn't his fault that no one understood him. It wasn't his fault that people were so cruel. But it was not _his_ fault either. It was not his fault he was at his wit's end with his patience stretched to its limit. It was not his fault that he had enough and that was the last straw.

So, even if he knew he shouldn't, he screamed.

"My name is Allen! And I'm _not_ a _girl_!"

 

* * *

Lavi Bookman was a bright child.

Unlike his peers, who wanted nothing more than to indulge themselves in childish games and whatnot, he wanted to learn. Of course, like any other child, he loved playing with other children but there was an insatiable urge to _know_ more that he couldn't ignore. He didn't want to. His parents had always encouraged his curious nature and supported him with hearty enthusiasm. On most days, one could find the redhead babbling on and on about something he had learned that day or had found interesting and sometimes he would shock them with the thoughts cooking up in his small brain. They had gotten used to it over time but it was still surprising to hear a five-year-old expressing discontent over how "stupid" kids his age were. That no one understood him when he tried to talk to them and they called him names and didn't want to play with him.

His teachers, of course, always praised him for his intellect. Even as he grew up that didn't change, but it definitely didn't help him make any friends. In fact, they only seemed more determined to avoid him. It wouldn't have been so bad if he couldn't hear the whispers and pointed gaze following him everywhere. He realized, rather unnecessarily, that they weren't the nice kind either.

They had feared it would happen but it didn't mean it saddened them any less. Their child was intelligent for his age and though it was a good thing, it also meant that he was different. He was different from normal children, he didn't fit with them, and it easily showed in his inability to make friends. How did one explain to such a young soul that not everyone could understand what he did so easily at his age?

Lavi Bookman was a bright child, but sometimes, he just wished he was normal.

 

* * *

"Hey, your name is Azusa, right?" He crouched down a bit so that they were face to face. "I think it's a cute name, especially for a cute girl like you!"

The green-eyed boy didn't think he had done anything wrong by saying that. Sure, he hadn't actually interacted with someone his age to know what was right but he had observed enough. And his mo—

His smile faltered, replaced with a pained expression as he thought about the day he had lost everything.

It had only been a day since he arrived at this orphanage but it had already been about two weeks since the incident. He didn't know why or how the fire started, all he knew was that one moment he was sleeping peacefully and the next there was smoke everywhere and it was unbearably hot. He heard his father shouting for him, footsteps scaling the stairs even as the bright flames licked at anything and everything in their reach. For a moment he could do nothing but stare the burning walls, he didn't know what to do. He was scared, really _scared_ and his body just wouldn't move. It was only when he felt a rough hand grab him did he return to his senses. He remembered asking about his mother. Where was she? Was she alright? Did she already escape? The pinched expression on his father's face did not alleviate his worries, nor did the fact that he never got his answer. He didn't have any time to continue his inquiry though as something above them fell and darkness consumed him.

It was four days later that he woke up in the hospital.

He couldn't see out of his right eye and the doctors said he wouldn't be able to again. His body hurt but the burns were only minor. He remembered someone talking about how his father had shielded him when a beam fell on them. He didn't remember who that was, or even who they were talking to. The only thing he could do was ask for his parents. He didn't want to believe that anything happened to them. Unfortunately for him, his body was weak and drugged and he could only shout so much before he fell unconscious.

He woke up to the same white ceiling, again, and they weren't there.

Why weren't they walking through the doors with a relieved smile on their faces? Telling him how scared they had been and reassuring him that everything was fine now? Why wasn't his mother beside him? Why weren't his parents _there_? Why was everyone telling him that he wouldn't be able to see them again?

He cried that night. He didn't know for how long, just that he fell asleep somewhere around midnight. He had cried because nothing was fine. The home he had spent his whole life in was only ashes now and his parents—… He couldn't even think about it. He felt so alone. He didn't know what to do with himself. He cried because the emotions were too much to handle and his chest hurt. Just like the girl in front of him was crying right now.

He didn't know what had he done wrong. He only wanted to talk with her.

After the kids had stopped questioning everything from his appearance to his life they had warned him about someone named "Azusa". They told him to stay away from her because she was weird. They didn't tell him why she was weird, just that he shouldn't talk to her or even go near her. He had asked one of the caretakers about her and a strange expression crossed their features. Even they thought she was strange and it was best to just leave her alone.

Lavi thought it was kind of unfair. He knew enough about being alienated and it wasn't nice. He decided that he would see for himself, he didn't want to just take their word for it.

When he saw her for the first time, he didn't think she was weird. Her short red tresses were dull in color, unlike his dark crimson, and more like dark brown with hints of red but she had stunning gray eyes. He had never seen such a color before in his life. They were sad though. Sad and angry and frustrated with something he couldn't understand. He thought she was maybe lost, like him, and even with the warnings he just couldn't stay away. No one should feel that way.

The next day, they were taken out to the park and he thought it would the best time to introduce himself. He hadn't expected to find her hiding behind a stone bench looking as if she was about to cry.

He didn't know how to comfort anyone. He barely knew anything about socializing but his… mother always comforted him by looking at the bright of the situation he was upset about. He didn't know why she was sad though. Then he remembered that saying something nice could help and mother told him that girls liked honest compliments.

It was okay, right?

So, when she screamed at him for complimenting her name, one could only imagine the confusion he felt.

Why as she angry? What did she mean when she said she wasn't a girl? She looked like a girl to him. Was that why they thought she was weird? Because she said she was not a girl when she clearly was? But… what was so strange about it? If she said she wasn't a girl, wasn't it okay to believe her?

He wished his mother was here. She would know what to do. He felt lost, more than the nights he had spent awake, so _alone_ , on his hospital bed. He took a deep breath to reign in his thoughts. Seeing as his first attempt at comforting her had ended up in a spectacular failure, he sat down beside her, shoulder to shoulder, to tell her that she wasn't alone. He hadn't meant to hurt her and he was sorry. He was sorry and he wouldn't do it again.

He didn't understand the pain and anger and frustration behind her tears that came with the heart-wrenching sobs but he could feel her small frame shaking with the force of her cries and it made him really sad.

 

* * *

He heard the boy stumble back in surprise when he had shouted at him. He felt a little bad but not enough to apologize yet.

It was as if his outburst had broken down his walls. The tears falling from his eyes wouldn't stop and he poured every negative feeling out of his chest through his sobs. He didn't understand why he was crying now. Hadn't he just promised he wouldn't? He had held on for so long, so why was he breaking down in front of a total stranger?

He couldn't help but hate himself in that moment.

Allen wasn't expecting the redhead to sit down beside him though. His cries faltered in surprise but his body was still shaking. He didn't turn his head when he was finally able to calm himself. Why was he still here? Should he say something? Was the boy expecting him to say anything? He didn't know what he could possibly say though. What do you even say to someone you just yelled at before bawling your eyes out?

Fortunately, he was saved from the awkward silence when the other opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey… Allen's a nice name too, you know." Unfortunately, he was not prepared to hear these words. His head snapped to his right, eyes so wide he wouldn't be surprised if one fell out. "If you want to be called that, it's okay."

His heart thundered in his chest and for a moment he could hear nothing but the blood pumping in his veins. He thought he was going to faint from how lightheaded he felt.

Were his ears working properly? Did he just say it was okay? Didn't the boy think he was strange? He said it was okay if he wanted to be called _Allen_. Did he mean he didn't mind that he was a boy even though his body was of a girl? He was okay. He wasn't weird. He was… _okay_.

No one had ever said it was okay. His nose stung and he wanted to cry again.

 

* * *

Lavi decided that he loved being Allen's friend.

He may not have much experience when it came to friendship but he just _knew_ that Allen was the bestest friend one could ever ask for. He couldn't understand why anyone would even think otherwise.

He didn't stop him when he started ranting about one of the books he had read, nor did he think it was weird that he did. On contrary, he listened with great patience and waited till he was finished to ask questions. Allen was like a sponge when it came to anything related to books and he was all too happy to tell him everything he knew. That wasn't all they talked about, of course, most of the times it was anything that came to their mind. Everything from how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly to their favourite food and colors. It was the happiest he had been after the fire incident.

On the other hand, Allen was still quite shocked by the fact that he had made a friend, someone who actually accepted him as he was. It was kind of surreal really.

He loved spending time with Lavi though. The redhead was practically a walking library compared to the small collection of books the orphanage had that weren't basic learning guides for small kids. It wasn't as if they could actually afford to have a large library and books rarely came through donations. If they did, they were mostly fiction stories for kids. Now, don't get him wrong, he loved those kinds of books but they didn't tell him enough about the world. What was beyond the walls of the place he couldn't call home, how things worked, about the places, people, food, animals, birds and everything he had never seen and didn't know if he ever would.

Lavi knew those things and Allen was always eager to listen to his excited words.

It had been three days since they met and they were already inseparable.

Of course, it wasn't all a walk in the park. Especially since the kids became hostile towards the redhead as well when they realized that he had befriended _Azusa_. Allen felt guilty whenever they would throw hurtful comments at his friend but he didn't seem to mind, only ever getting into fistfights when someone said something nasty towards _him_. He couldn't understand why Lavi would bother standing up for him. It wasn't as if he hadn't heard worse already. It wasn't worth getting more bruises on his still healing body. He wasn't—

"Allen, stop." Gray eyes shifted from the fresh bandages to look at the single green eye. "I know what you're thinking and you need to stop."

It was funny really, that the boy could claim to know Allen so well when they had only known each other for mere three days. But it wasn't as if he was wrong.

"You're hurt." He said instead, the ' _because of me_ ' ringing in the silence that was once comforting.

"I'm fine." Lavi grinned, jumping around to prove his statement. "It was nothing."

"But—"

"It's okay, Allen." And it was. Allen was his friend now and he'd be damned if he let anyone hurt him. He didn't know when these thoughts had sprouted in his brain, or when had they grown so much, but it didn't really matter because he planned to stay true to each and every letter. The gray-eyed boy didn't answer, crying internally for the kindness he couldn't understand.

It was only too bad for both of them that by the end of the week Lavi would have to move with his grandfather on the other side of the world.


End file.
